Monday, October 23, 2006

Such a sudden alteration in course is unlike me. i am typically very slow to make changes. i was very much aware of the pain my decision would cause. In my weak defense, i did attempt to retreat weeks earlier, but i failed. i allowed myself to be pulled back in where i put us both at even greater risk. The weekend we spent together was pure magic and i never wanted it to end. i was insanely happy and completely without doubt. Then i returned and soon thereafter i ended it. The idea of our relationship moving beyond master slave was becoming reality -- not over a long course of time as i had anticipated -- but instead, in a flawless and almost instantaeous blink of an eye. That is when i bolted. The doubts came flooding in. Just because there is love, doesn't mean the relationship will work. i loved my husband at one time and that didn't last. i can not survive another mistake. This is not meant to be. i must run now before i reach the point of no return. i must hurt Him now because i will only cause Him even greater pain if i delay the inevitable.


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