Thursday, October 19, 2006


i can't sleep. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Please get out of my head!
With your hand in mine, dear, we could dance on and on And I could Waltz Across Texas with you.

i do have some very serious confessions to make, that i know will upset You greatly. Do You want them by email so You have time to mull them over before we meet, or do You want them in person?

baby, I've got you and everything is going to be ok.

you love Me, you "serve" only Me, you recognize that I love you and am "served" only by you...that you are in fact owned just as thoroughly as before, but is more generally demonstrated in a more mainstream manner.

If for some reason, there have been other occurrences that were different from those above, I want you to share with Me.

I will not change My feelings about you, nor My expectations of you as my slave and girlfriend.

i can not do it by phone. If You prefer that i not confess, i won't. Perhaps some things are better left alone.

well I guess the door is opened.

Do you love Me?
Yes, i love You. That is why i must confess.

I love you...always remember that, trust in that.

While struggling to free myself from Your influence, i have served another Dom
[someone i happened to know was Dom from years ago.] i thought this would prove to me that my attraction to You was no more than an addiction developed between any Master and slave. To the contrary, this man suffered cruelly from my constant comparison of him to You. Every thing He did was wrong because it wasn't how You would do it. There was no emotion. No passion. When he disciplined me yesterday morning, he went way too far and would not stop hurting me in spite of my sobbing pleas. Then when he attempted to comfort me, i wanted not part of it, no part of him or his touch. There was no peace in his arms. He offered me nothing. It was an experience i just want to forget and it humiliates me that i was so naive and stupid. How could i have been so easy with You the first time You touched me, the first time You spanked me, the first time You entered me? Yet with this man i found myself completely empty and angry at myself. i felt dirty and disgusted with myself. My attempt to clear You from my mind, my heart, my body had completely backfired. Yesterday, all i wanted to do was run to You and confess, so You might forgive me and hold me tight and tell me "Baby, every thing's going to be all right. I've got you. You're safe now." i will suffer whatever punishment just to be in Your arms again. The only explanation for all that i felt, after all that i had done, was that i was truly in love with You. Not just addicted to You. Not just fond of You. But in love with You. What a fool i have been and i know that this confession has hurt You, but i need You to know because i don't want any more secrets.

This brings me to the more difficult and, believe it or not, much more serious confession. i want You to know why the topic of marriage frightens me. This is hard to share, but if our relationship is to change to something beyond Master/slave, this is something You must know before we meet again. Last week You mentioned meeting me once a year like in the movie "Same Time Next Year." Well, i have been meeting my high school sweetheart once a year since ________. Like your wife, his wife is frigid and when we saw each other at a reunion, we realized that we had never really gotten over one another and both of us had made mistakes in our marriages. He had young children, so we were limited to our once a year trysts, filled with passion, love, and sad goodbyes. When his youngest child was finishing high school, i foolishly had assumed, he would leave his wife, and come whisk me away on a white charger. He didn't. i was devastated. All those years i had assumed he stayed with her only for the children. That is when i came looking for You. He and i still meet about once a year. He still holds out the hope that someday we will be together, but as each year passes, i have become less convinced. As i began to fear that You were falling in love with me, i pushed You away because of him. Then, that day without my medication, when my emotions came pouring in and i was feeling every thing with no drug to serve as a buffer, i recognized that i was falling in love with You. i panicked. This wasn't the way it was suppose to be. i set the boundaries at the beginning. i did not want to fall in love with my Master because my heart belonged to another. i did not want to hurt anyone and i did not want any attachment that might interfere in my future with him. i wanted someone who wasn't looking for a romance or long term attachment. i wanted someone to keep me from being so desperately lonely and someone with whom i could share passionate moments instead of struggling with desire pent up one year at a time. When i left my marriage, i thought he would finally confess his inability to live one more day without me. He would pledge himself to me and begin the process of leaving his wife. There was no such pledge. i again was hurt but this time not nearly as much as i thought i would be. Then, that day i forgot my medication, i was terrified by my feelings of love and desire to be Yours. i convinced myself it was merely an addiction. You couldn't possibly be replacing him in my heart ---not after i have loved him since i was 14 years old. But yesterday, i finally admitted to myself that this is exactly what is happening. That is why it frightens me so. My life long plan has been to someday be his vanilla wife and have him by my side raising my children. He is everything You are not. He is vanilla, soft spoken, extremely religious, liberal democrat, health nut, and super dad. You, on the other hand, don't take good care of yourself. You have health issues which i have struggled with for H for years and know what this means for the years to come. You are politically offensive. You have me hiding a gun in my closet and i absolutely abhor guns and it sickens me to have one in my house. You live far away and have a great job which makes things complicated. You are totally and completely the wrong man for me. And yet, i am drawn to You like a moth to the flame. i find You charming and tender. You thrill me and bring me to such levels of ecstasy that i lose all rational thought. You are generous and loving. You create within me such an unbelievable desire to serve You, care for You, cling to You. How can any of this be explained? None of it makes any sense, but each time i'm in Your arms, my plan to someday be his wife is fading, and in his place i see Your hand reaching out to me, not as Master to slave, but as man to woman - pulling me ever closer away from what i had always imagined as my future. i am torn. This is where i am. i am now naked, standing in front of You, struggling with all this and knowing in my head that You are wrong for me, while my heart disagrees. So there You have it. Now all my secrets have been shared and what ever happens next, i promise You, not as my Master, but as the Man i love, that i will never withhold anything from You ever again.

Now is a time for wisdom and restraint. I could sit here with My lower lip stuck out, but that wouldn't be very adult, would it? I told you I love you, and I do. I want you to be with Me, as do you, though your head is not there yet. you NEED to be with Me. I will have you as Mine. you will come to Me willingly. So that process begins. We have transitioned from an exclusively Master/slave relationship to a more acceptable and palatable synthesis between Master/slave -
boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Nonetheless, I expect this to include the following:

Do you love Me?
Yes, i do love You.
Although we are now Master-Boyfriend/slave-girlfriend are you willing to serve only Me? To BE only with Me? Are you willing to be owned by Me just as much now as ever?
This is the question i struggle with. i'm not ready to let go of my long-term relationship but my feelings for You are creating serious conflict for me. i do not want to waste a lifetime of happiness in hopes that he may someday wake up. On the other hand, i fear that if he does wake up now, he won't live up to the happiness that You bring to me. i know You want to hear me say that my decision is made and that it is You, but i'm not there yet. There is still so little we know about each other, and that is what i want to explore. i want to know if the magic we feel can really extend beyond the bedroom. i do not want to hurt You which is why i tried to run away. i still don't want to hurt You which is why i'm being honest about where my head is. i don't know what my future holds. i know You might find another love and leave me broken hearted. But for now, it is You who risk Your heart if we move forward. If that is a risk You can not take, i will understand completely.
Do you know I love you?
Yes, i do.

i could kiss Your lower lip over and over again until i make You smile. i could climb in Your lap and throw my arms around Your neck and scream, "i love You!" i could dance naked on Your desk. i could hold You in my arms and whisper in Your ear, "Make love to me, my Master, my love. With my chain in Your left hand and my heart in Your right, take me."

In line with “keeping a short leash” I want the following from you each day:

A wake-up call, before you get out of bed. Because I love to hear you with that sleepy little girl voice.
Task phone calls at least every 2 hours. That means 2 in the morning and 2 in the afternoon.

At least 4 “glasses” of water per day….because it is good for you and it will facilitate the task phone calls above.
Let Me know if you need to be out of pocket for any period of time. you are owned, and I want immediate access unless there is a reason why.
We need to go back to plugs every day, so bring panties to wear during that phase of the day…say 1-3 about. I want to know you are thinking about Me being in you during those hours. you still owe Me a handkerchief that has your scent.

With your hand in mine, dear, we could dance on and on And I could Waltz Across Texas with you.

Thank You for singing this song to me. It was a very special gift and i can still hear Your voice.

I liked holding your hand while we walked the other day.

I like the way you smile at Me. It really does make your eyes light up. I like the very subtle smile you sometimes do...different from the grin that I adore, but something more reserved than that...a bit more secret. I am so very glad you are mine.

What I want is you to put your face on my chest at night, and let me kiss your neck in the morning, and to hold you all the time between.

My head upon Your chest -- This is home.

I want you to begin a blog about your slavery. By the end of the week. I want it to begin the weekend in the cabin for now, and in the future I will want you to fill in what has happened to you and Us in the past. I want you to especially note the things required of you to keep you on the "short leash". What they are, how it makes you feel, etc. I want this to document your furtherance into slavery to Me and also the parallel journey into girlfriend status...and more.

I particularly want this to be a venue for you to express things that may be hard for you to say tome...LIKE that it hurts you sometime when I have My finger in your ass.

I want you most to celebrate this thing in its entirety, to use it as a tool to bring us closer, andto humble you in front of Me, losing the last vestige of privacy you feel you had.

We will post pictures of you, those that are absolutely unrecognizable, as you are a beautifulwoman, owned completely and controlled by Me.


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