Tuesday, January 16, 2007

I want you to know I am not really angry with you, not
even dreadfully hurt. I did not shed a single tear.
But I have a few thoughts I would like to share with
you.

I have read before that you fall in love with
someone because of how they make you feel about
yourself. I believe that is true. It validates who
you are, gives you a feeling of self worth. I always
tried to do that with you, honestly and truthfully,
because you went for 24(?) years having your worth
gradually eliminated. You were so achingly anxious
for me to make you feel like a person that it was
clear to me what to do. Every word I ever said about
you is absolutely true.

If what you said to me was true, and you TRULY intend
to for the next year find out who you are and take
care of your kids, I would very much like to be your
friend. My mind explodes when I think of you with
another man, ESPECIALLY a Dom. I exclude your high school sweetheart from
this since it is a longstanding thing. But if your
true intent is to soul search, then we can be friends.

The above being said, I know that your submissive soul
will again begin to ache for a hand on your neck and
on your ass. There is noone better suited to satisfy
that craving while helping maintain your selfworth
than me.

I do not intend to put my life on hold for you.
Truly. I told you that I had a couple of dates while
you and I were apart. I will pick that up again and
see how that goes. Actually, there were a couple of
women that expressed interest, and I will pursue that.

You know I care about you and would like to maintain
some kind of relationship. I would like to talk to you about
this if you can call. Ok?
"i can scarcely breathe."
I continue to revel in this...to bask in those words.

I am only writing during the day like this BECAUSE you
are not working. I will not do so tomorrow.

I have been invited up to see friendsthis
weekend. I know you have the kids New Years Eve, and
I assume the rest of the weekend?

However, I would like to have you Friday afternoon,
say from 2-6 or as close to those times as I can get.
Think about this. I don't care if we get a room and
wrestle like snakes or go and have coffee so I can see
your eyes, or park in the park...so I can stroke your
hair. But I want to see you.

Unless
you can be free, I would return to Houston Saturday
during the day so I can work in the house.

Master
i can scarcely breathe.

I hope you are breathing well again.

As you answer the previous email, I want you to do so
on a line-by-line basis. It is important that we know
just what is expected, and that I am not pressing you
too hard. you know I would LIKE to have you in
complete and total submission, but I completely
understand your need to remain a separate entity. If
I am demanding more than you can do, let's discuss it.
As I noted, this is a delicate balance, and although
I ache to command and control you, I do not wish to
bully you into something you simply cannot do.

with deepest love and affection

Master
little one

I waited for hours for you to call.

As we agreed, I want to work very hard to make sure
you concentrate at work, to help you keep your head
clear.

However I expect you to call me without fail each
night, regardless how late it is. If you have to set
an alarm so you remember, do that. I want to speak
every night.

Additionally, I would like to speak to you in the
morning as you drive to work and in the evening as you
leave. I don't want you to lose yourself in Me, but I
don't want you to wander either. It will be a
delicate balance, but I pledge to do this, and I
expect you to work hard to stay with me.

Again, I insist on transparency, particularly where
______is concerned.

I want you to do the things you do best without My
interference, but I want to hold the back of your neck
in those things where you need guidance.

I had a wonderfully healing experience with you this
weekend. I know there are issues that remain. But
let's build on what is here.

Master
So be there as commanded awaiting Me, anxious to
serve, with a smile on your lips, a lilt in your
voice, and dew on the lips of My cunt.
I understand with difficulty what you need. However,
I do expect that when we do email, speak and or
interact that you continue to use "Sir" as
appropriate. A proper diversion should behave, I am
assure you agree.
Friendship would mean: Staying in touch. Sharing stories, both good and bad. Providing a gentle ear when needed. Being a shoulder to cry on. Serving as a sounding board. Giving encouragement. Laughing together. Caring about one another. Much as we do with other friends.

Casual would mean: No strings. No expectations. No exclusivity.

Interlude would mean: More of what we shared together physically before things got so very complicated emotionally.

As you were always aware and as I became aware, the emotions of a Master/slave relationship are intense. They surpass the physical and become almost spiritual. I do not wish to become overwhelmed again, so if we "play," my servitude would be limited in time and place. I simply can not do it 24/7 without risking losing myself again. In the passion of the experience, I do not wish to mislead you to believe that I have reconsidered the possibility of a future together.
I offer friendship. Nothing more, and you must infer no implied promise of something more in the future. You told me that you can not be "just" my friend. If this is truly how you feel, then we should stop now as I do not wish to cause any false hope or any further harm. If you can accept friendship alone (with the possibility of casual interludes of playful service), then I welcome it.

You pointed out that in ending our relationship, I did not pay you the courtesy of a slow ending. I thought about that and I think it is because your influence over me was so great that with anything less abrupt, I would have failed. You are not a man who accepts "No" easily, and I have a great deal of difficulty saying "No" to you. Hence, the "hit and run" was the option I chose. Is there a good way to end a relationship? If the flame has died for one, then patience while the other person accepts the change is possible. If, however, the break up is for other reasons, and passion still exists, then I believe that ending the relationship will create sparks however it is done. Nevertheless, I realize that I handled our situation in the worst possible way, and that I will always regret.

I loved you as a master. At some point along the way I realized that I had fallen in love with you as a man. But in spite of this, I could not and still can not see myself loving you as a husband and step-father to my children. My instincts in this regard are quite strong and my instincts have rarely failed me. You want explanations so that you can easily out-reason me and bring me around to your way of thinking. You are very good at this, but how does one rationalize away a gut feeling? Even if all of the explanations that I can verbalize are easily swept away by your reassurances, I am still left with a looming sense that any marriage between us would fail, and miserably so.

Yet I miss our time together and yes, I miss you. My fear is that if we move forward, you will pass up opportunities for other relationships in hopes that I will eventually change my mind. This would be the cruelest harm that I could cause you. Although your warning that I would never be satisfied with a vanilla relationship has given me great pause to reflect, it is my current intent to marry my high school sweetheart, if and when he ever leaves his wife. I say this not to be hurtful, but to be as honest as I possibly can be with myself and with you.

Given this, I would expect that you will wish to have no further contact with me. And if so, I will understand and i promise I will never contact you again. Simply tell me how to return your personal items, and I will do so. The gift that I have sent to you is simply an ornament for your Christmas tree. It is a little wood cabin, and an identical one hangs on my tree as a bitter-sweet reminder of you and of the magic weekend when we left the world behind and simply loved one another. I will hang this ornament on my tree every year for the rest of my life.

And so, dear Sir, it is Your move....

Tonight

door unlocked

you, naked beneath
blouse
short skirt
thigh highs
heels

all your toys arrayed on the dining room
table...particularly the flogger

nose against the bookcase, hands head high or slightly
higher on the shelves
feet half a step back so you are bent slightly at the
waist, standing...presenting...your luscious, ripe ass
accentuated for my visual pleasure

you will not look to me when I enter.+
you will greet Me with "Welcome back to my home,
Sir...and to my bed"
otherwise you will remain respectfully silent,
responding with a simple "yes, Sir" when given a
command.
I will slowly, very slowly disrobe you, admiring My
creation while you stand, glowing in embarassment, and
humiliation and lust, while your nipples pulse in
their excitement and you become molten in warming
preparation to being used by the One who made you.